On going where you're wanted and writing what you need to.
Imagining the home you want plus prompts to get you there.
Occasionally I come across a Tiktok that I can’t help but watch ten times and then email to myself. Example A: this clip of Michelle Obama explaining that the best piece of advice she she ever got was from her parents who said: “Come home, we like you here.”
“My parents taught me that the world won’t always like you. But you can’t count on the world to like you. You come home to be liked. You go out there to get your education, earn a living..You won’t necessarily find people who will see you, love you…you get that here.”
Great advice. But what if your parents aren’t (or weren’t) as loving as Michelle’s? What if the people in your home made you feel anything but seen and wanted? Or perhaps you once had a place and people like this but don’t any more? What if you’re still building your chosen family? What if there isn’t a physical place you can retreat or return to? Well, you create it. You make a place for yourself in the world where you are loved. It’s not easy or clear. Sometimes it feels like you can’t afford it (financially or emotionally). Sometimes, you have to burn it down and start over through no fault of your own. Other times, it might feel constricting. Home (literal or metaphorical) comes with expectations, and hardest of all, for me anyway, it comes with the terror of loss. The better something is, the more I worry about losing it.
And yet? The alternative is to not open yourself up at all. I have so. many. thoughts. on this. I gave a whole talk about it in November (see below). The TLDR version is that we don’t get to choose. Pain is inextricable from joy. These things are not opposites, they are teammates.
So, if a home where we muster the courage to be loved and love ourselves is the destination, then this week’s prompts are a kind of map you might use to find it. As a wise woman once told me in rural Alaska, “if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” Here’s to choosing our routes.
I have a new shop in which you can buy classes for yourself or give the gift of a class to a friend or loved one. February 15th I am teaching an Introduction to Memoir course (open to everyone), and on February 29th Dr. Alyssa Burgart and I are offering another Op-Ed and Personal Essay course for healthcare professionals. CME is available for all of these opportunities and recordings are available after the sessions in case you can’t attend in person.
As always we are also offering Writing Medicine sessions the first and third Saturdays of every month for healthcare professionals and their loved ones.
These prompts are meant to inspire you— not limit or intimidate you. To that end, put your phone in airplane mode if you can and set a timer for 7 minutes. You can always write (or think) for longer if you so choose, but I find 7 minutes to be kind of magical. Second, tell yourself that you are already an excellent writer—if only for 7 minutes (you have the rest of your life to criticize yourself). Third, whenever you get stuck, choose a sensation to describe (a sound, sight, smell, noise, flavor etc). Let me know how it goes! If you’d like, you can post your response in the comments section or on Instagram by tagging @laurel_braitman.
Home is a fantasy you are going to create right now. It can be based on a place you already have or know of, but please don’t limit yourself to reality. Instead, picture this: you open a door or gate and walk across a threshold into a place you’ve craved your whole life. What does it sound/look/smell like? What is there? Are you outside or inside? What are the views like? Who is there with you, if anyone? Are there animals? What is about to happen? Take us on a tour of this place using as much detail as you can.
Describe a time you felt a feeling of ‘home’ in the Michelle Obama sense. How did you know? Who were you with? What did it feel like in your body? Describe it as a scene in detail, using each of your senses. You can be any age.
Make a list of everything you love. Sounds dumb and obvious but I promise it’s not. Name ALL the things. Nothing is too small or too big. Too ephemeral or too basic. It will feel both impossible and silly until it doesn’t. Just keep going till the timer goes off. When you have your list, title it however you please and then hang it somewhere you will see it often. Send me a photo for extra credit.
If you’d like, you can post your response(s) in the comments section or on Instagram by tagging @laurel_braitman and I’ll find them and respond! You can also email them to me at info@laurelbraitman.com.
The fantastic writer/radio-person Chris Colin did a great episode of 99% Invisible on the struggle to create a Covid-19 memorial. I am also really loving Sari Botton’s Memoir Land substack and have been making a lot of these pickle-y meatballs (sounds gross but are in fact the opposite…I use ground turkey, if you don’t eat meat I bet Impossible burger would work just fine). And I just ordered this book (in time for Valentine’s day) and am excited to start reading.
Great narrative and concept, too, so well executed - congratulations!
Well, just as I cried tears of joy and sorrow, sometimes at once, when reading your memoir, the Ted Talk saw me welling up again and again. To the lemons we become!
Btw, you met my dear friend Ani on the Ojai Foundation property the other day. She spoke highly of the connection you made. It was a year ago now that I sent her your book, knowing she’d love it, too. What a small, wonderfully connected world. :)
Oh and looking forward to the prompts on home. Maybe something of it will end up being incorporated in a piece to be published here or elsewhere. I like your prompts and thoughts on how to go about them.